Gastric Bypass Surgery

Well, no - I'm not having it.  As far as I know, I'm not.  It is so tempting though.  I struggle and I struggle.  For most of my adult life it has been a struggle for me.  I have times when I lose a little but I have never lost a LOT or any kind of amount that would keep me charging forward.  Would surgery help me lose enough weight that would make me never want to go back to the way I am?

So, I try to get all philosophical (thank goodness for spell check) and figure out WHY I haven't been able to lose it.  Some deep reason.  Maybe I want to stay fat for reasons I don't know?  No, that's not it.

All I can come up with is that maybe I'm lazy or maybe I would rather have my food more than I want to lose weight?  That's what most people would think anyway.

Since the surgery I've had a lot of complications that prevent me from exercising.  yeah, that's legitimate but what about before?  Well, yeah I had low energy because of being on dialysis but what about BEFORE that?

I have to figure out a solution soon because I am at a place I have never been before.  I don't want to be around people.  I don't want them to see me.  I don't want them to look at me and decide how I am because of the way I look.  Maybe you don't do that.  I have done it in the past.  That's what is going on in my head.

Sorry  for the gloomy post.  It belongs on some other blog maybe.  But in my efforts to only keep one blog, this is it!